How to Get into Flow
Pandemic Parents Edition
My #goalsgroup has been talking about languishing this week (see Adam Grant’s excellent NYT piece) and our eternal quests to find its anthesis, flow, in this pandemic.
Flow, as defined by Wikipedia, is:
The mental state in which a person performing some activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.
Getting into flow helps us perform in a more optimal way, because by definition we are more focused, clear, confident, accurate and efficient. In one study, researchers found that executives reported that they were 5 X as effective in a flow state than they are in normal work situations! However, getting into flow requires time and the absence of intrusion - which are the primary challenges for pandemic parents.
In many places, schools are still only open for in-person education a few hours per week. With the warmer weather and more people getting together outdoors for sports, there is actually more to do to support school-aged kids than a month ago. Driving to practices, negotiating playdates and navigating between activities has further fragmented the time we have creating a state of perpetual shift and interruption. Given the gendered distribution of labor in most households this is especially true for mothers.
So how do we get with the flow?
Before I go any further, let me say: These 👏🏼 issues 👏🏼 are👏🏼 systemic and structural! Parents - particularly mothers, single-parents and teachers - have had their mental health and livelihoods diminished by the parenting demands during the pandemic. I was glad to see President Biden announced several policies this week that specifically aim to support working parents. It’s about time ⏰
In the meantime, we still need solutions for getting into that juicy flow state. For our own mental health...and to achieve impact in the world 🌎. Here are mine:
Identify your ideal conditions. What time of day is it? What time of month is it? Where are you located? What sounds are you hearing? What is the lighting like? What food and drink are near by? What clothes are you wearing (or not wearing!)? How long will you need to flow?
Set crystal clear boundaries. Make clear requests of your kids, co-workers and partner. Clarify the times you need to spend “flowing” and how long you need to stay in that state. Make your boundaries visible with a public calendar, a sign on your door and auto-responders for text and email. LEAVE THE ROOM or house where other people, pets or unfinished projects are located. If your flow space is a mess (guilty as charged) try low-lighting to avoid the temptation to clean up. Turn off your phone. Close your tabs.
Single task. Select a single task or goal to flow on and only work on that task or goal. Try multiple strategies for your goal including: writing, reading, drawing, or sketching. You might practice short bits or long bits. You might record yourself and play it back. While you flow, feel free to capture unrelated tasks and ideas that come to you - but don’t start them.
Allow boredom. Boredom can be an initial clue that you have achieved optimal flow conditions. Embrace and get curious about the absence of distraction, need and urgency. Consider what is possible for you in that space. Remember the WHY behind your single task or goal and start flowing.
Give thanks and show trust. When you emerge from your flow state it is time to thank your supporters. Who made space? Who respected your boundaries? Who encouraged you to leave things undone so you could flow your heart out? Thank those people. Avoid criticizing the way they handled things in your absence. Instead, show trust in their ability to manage shit on their own.
Yours in pandemic parenting,
Kate
PS. There are still a few spots in my “Reset Your Relationship with Your Smartphone” group coaching and individual coaching program. We’re going to have a ton of fun. If you want to improve your mood and focus, access more flow time and experience more freedom to do what you want…sign up for more information here.
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